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Why Can't I Get Pregnant? Yyy Not Me!?!


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#1 meiji

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Posted 11 October 2007 - 06:08 AM

Another failure at IVF!   Picture 518.gif  My stomache had been black & blue from all the shots, and I have to psych myself up for another round of needles and...  Sigh.  I don't understand.  I'm not greedy, I only want one child. 2 would be nice but...too greedy.  The doctor said both IVFs were textbook perfect.  yet, nothing.. again.  I've gone to fortune tellers, temples... all positive yet, still nothing. I'm close to 40 and I really feel time slipping away every month.  
I've read that children (spirits) choose their parents.  Yet why don't they choose me??  Drives me crazy when I read that someone dumps a newborn in the trash, the newborn died. Another someone gets an abortion for the 10th time!!! and still able to get pregnant again!!  It's not fair!! Those poor little ones could've had a chance with me!  I can't promise to be the best mother, but I promise I'll try, and i can show them so many good and beautiful things in this world...IF only, God gives me a chance...
There's just no answer to the why. My husband once retorted why are some women's hands born to wear big sparkly diamonds and some born to wash dishes!!!  Yes, this is the first question I'll ask God when I see him.
So sorry for rambling but I just feel so sorry for myself.

#2 trin

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Posted 11 October 2007 - 07:53 AM

Maybe "your" kid is already in the world, and waiting for you and hubby to adopt him or her....
A child of your heart is just as precious as a child of your blood.
From observing friends of mine who adopted a child as a baby, after the first few days, you love that child the same as if it were your "flesh and blood".  And the ancestors/grandparents/rest of the family, might be slow to warm up at first, but eventually adore that child just the same.  Even in cross-racial adoptions the family sort of "forgets" that the child is adopted.  When he's a teen he'll drive you just as crazy either way!

So many kids are out there just wishing and waiting for someone to love them.

Keep in mind you are 40, not many women actually have children after 30 naturally...   So maybe that's part of why the medical procedure isn't "taking".   Investment wise, my parents would tell you it might be better to invest in a child, rather than blowing the money on iffy medical options, put the money in a fund to send that kid to college or something.

Good luck honey! I know how hard this is to have your heart break every month, and to cry every time you see a happy mom with a baby...  





#3 Mia Camille

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Posted 11 October 2007 - 10:03 AM

So sorry Meiji...

#4 Amethyst

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Posted 11 October 2007 - 04:19 PM

God's time is not our time, and we cannot force His hand.  That child will come in if and only when the time is right.  YOU may have decided that you want a child NOW, but that little soul may not be "scheduled" to come into this world until 2008.  So try as you may, if it's not time; it's not time.  Doctors aren't Gods (but I do know a few who think they are) they cannot create a life without the Man Upstairs' permission.

Try to relax and stop worrying about it.  Fretting about it and saying I am not getting pregnant translates into the universe.....I AM NOT GETTING PREGNANT.  

Rethink your thoughts.  Say positive affirmations.  When my child is ready to come into this lifetime he or she will be born.  I accept this knowledge and I am patiently awaiting the birth of my child.  I know God, in his divine wisdom, will send me a child at the appointed time and hour.

Take a breather.  It's not time yet.  Wait a few months until after the first of the year.

2008 = 2+8=10  10=1 in numerology.

2008 is a great year for new beginnings, starting families, getting married, starting a new career, anything NEW.  We cycle in 9 year patterns.

2007=2+7=9    9 being the ending year.

This is the year to finish tasks, tie up loose ends and get your ducks in a row.

I see a child in your future.  I know you're anxious, but let go and let God handle the details.  You won't be in a frenzy, and you will feel better.  There is nothing worse than a frantic woman driving herself and everybody else around her crazy with not being pregnant and setting herself up for disappointment.

I normally do not answer pregnancy questions, but felt compelled to tell you to chill out and stop worrying, and I mean that in the kindest way.

Get on with life.  This has you paralyzed with anxiety.  The more you worry, the more you shut down.

What will be will be.


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#5 pikati

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Posted 11 October 2007 - 05:08 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your pregnancy issue and I just wanted to say that I can relate  sad.gif  My hubby and I have been trying for a li'l over a year, and so far it's a no go.  As a matter of fact, I just had my first doctor's appointment today for a check up to see how things are.  I too got pretty anxious/upset when we first started trying...the first probably 5 months were the hardest for me...and then I just kinda "sat myself down" and had a talk...and convinced myself it'll happen when it's supposed to....and to just chill out.  This is a hard feat to endure...but it's helped a lot.  I generally don't think about it except for when its that time of the month, and I just sigh and say "that bites"...heh.
Good luck to you
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PS: Listen to Amethyst...she knows what she's talking about  wink.gif  

#6 trin

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Posted 11 October 2007 - 05:23 PM

When i was a very small child, some cousins (my parent's age) were told that they could not have kids... so they started the adoption process... and then had their own baby.  My two cousins (the ones my age) are just a few months apart in age, and for the life of me, I don't know which is the adoptee and which is my bio-cousin.  It doesn't matter anyway wink.gif



#7 Morning_Glory_

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Posted 12 October 2007 - 05:28 AM

I feel for you, and you have all my sympathy.  Us telling you to stay positive is probably not helping you at the moment.

My sister who is almost 40 as well has never been able to get pregnant.  She and her husband spent a small fortune on various fertility techniques including Invitro - five embryos and none of them took.
She'd cry every month when her cycle started.

Then a couple of years ago, her husband's son from his first marriage, got a girl pregnant unexpectedly.  The girl already had a baby girl.  They were young and unable to care for either of the children, they asked my sister and her husband if they'd take the children.

My sister has never been able to give birth to her own children but she has found that God gave her the children she had been longing for for years, just not the way she thought she would.  She has wonderful grandchildren and she really feels that these children were who she was praying for.

So I hope that you don't get discouraged.  Children will come to you but it just might not be the way you are thinking they will.

#8 meiji

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Posted 13 October 2007 - 06:16 AM

Thank you so much everyone.  I really appreciate all the replies.  I know I must try to relax and be happy, all the doctors say it's the most important thing, as children, for some reason, do not come to frenzied insane mothers, and that's what I'm becoming.  But it's so hard to stop.

Thank you so much Amethyst, everytime I'm feeling anxious and starts going crazy, I read yr post, and I say those positive thoughts aloud.  It really helps.  (Unfortunately I have to read it a few times a day.)

Pikati: Good luck to you, to me, and to all those who wish for babies.  May healthy babies come to us, in their perfect time.  innocent0005.gif

#9 Guest_ellsbeth_*

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Posted 13 October 2007 - 11:01 AM

I'm so sorry, hon. But the old story about signing up to adopt a baby really does work, as everyone said. My ex
SIL tried 2 times (she was in early 40's) and did not take until 3rd time after she signed up to adopt.
I don't know why it works but it does.
Maybe the little baby spirit gets jealous, maybe it makes you relaxed?

Hugs,

Ellbeth

#10 trin

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Posted 13 October 2007 - 01:32 PM

QUOTE(ellsbeth @ Oct 13 2007, 02:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm so sorry, hon. But the old story about signing up to adopt a baby really does work, as everyone said. My ex
SIL tried 2 times (she was in early 40's) and did not take until 3rd time after she signed up to adopt.
I don't know why it works but it does.
Maybe the little baby spirit gets jealous, maybe it makes you relaxed?

Hugs,

Ellbeth


Or maybe the bio-child NEEDS that adopted sibling?

#11 Guest_ellsbeth_*

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Posted 13 October 2007 - 01:37 PM

QUOTE(trin @ Oct 13 2007, 05:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Or maybe the bio-child NEEDS that adopted sibling?


Very True Trin,

I have a friend who adopted 2 babies from the State Agency---they are incredibly cute little girls and you would never know they were not bio. Also a friend who adopted a 2 year old, he is the light of her life.

#12 Clarina1980

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Posted 13 October 2007 - 02:30 PM

Meiji, i know how you feel. I'm in your position too and it's heartbreaking.

I just get by, by thinking "what will be will be"

It's heard to see each and every one of your friends have babies, whether they wanted them or not. It's so easy for some people, people that don't deserve to have the gift of a child, seem to have them so easily.

I agree with the adoption thing, start the ball rolling if you and you husband decide that's something you'd like to do. Just imagine, your child might already be out there, waiting for a new mum and dad smile.gif
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Posted 04 November 2007 - 07:10 PM

QUOTE(ClarinaGStudy @ Oct 13 2007, 03:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Meiji, i know how you feel. I'm in your position too and it's heartbreaking.

I just get by, by thinking "what will be will be"

It's heard to see each and every one of your friends have babies, whether they wanted them or not. It's so easy for some people, people that don't deserve to have the gift of a child, seem to have them so easily.

I agree with the adoption thing, start the ball rolling if you and you husband decide that's something you'd like to do. Just imagine, your child might already be out there, waiting for a new mum and dad smile.gif

I think i'm most likely the only women who does not want children. but here is my adivace for you i would calm down take a deep breath and relax from my exprince when someone isn't worry about haveing a baby they end up with child.

#14 Ubriaca

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Posted 04 November 2007 - 08:43 PM

My little half brother (different mom) was born from IVF. They tried for three years, countless times. He is now 17 years old. 4 years later, my step mom accidentally gets pregnant with my little sister (now 13 years old). It was like her body just needed to know how to do it on its own....I think it is about not stressing yourself out too much about it. The mind has a lot more control over the body than we are willing to admint.

You still have a few years to try...I know it is very costly though.
You should pick up the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Whatever your religion or belief is, if you can open up your thoughts to the books core lessons, you may have an easier time relaxing to the situation you are in currently.

All the best! confused.gif
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#15 dorthyinwonder

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Posted 04 November 2007 - 11:29 PM

I'm with Trin - there are plenty of young children that are without families - mothers and fathers, who are very, very deserving. I know I'm adopting, but I need to get to a point where I can adopt. Yes, I would like a biological child, but in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter whether your child shares your genes and blood or not?

I'd like to think not. I think its the love and bond that is shared between that child and its new family.

I also agree that many women who are "un-deserving" end up with a large brood of children.

Then again, its a matter of how you perceive it. Maybe they're getting their "just" reward - a life they don't want...a life (God forbid) they despise, where they feel trapped and helpless.

Personally, I want at least 4 children, but that's assuming whoever I end up with doesn't mind it. I won't settle for less than 3, though.

Besides,there are so many young kids out there who not only need the love, but the support - the reason to keep fighting.

Mind you, I come from a "large" family (meaning we actually keep in close contact with my cousins - sibling-wise its only me and my sister). My sister got pregnant at 20 (I think) and now is married with two kids...what I wouldn't give to have her life (granted, not her husband). There was one point where she blatently told me, while on a semi-vacation without her husband and kids (she went to see one of her best friends from high-school), that she didn't want to return to her life. Needless to say, I could've slapped her.

Only supports the whole, "One man's trash is another man's treasure" in a new way.

The funny thing is that I always considered myself to me the whole, "Mom/Wife" person, even in Junior High, but when I asked my friends whether, in jr. high/high school, they saw me as the "Mom/Wife" type, they laughed and said no. Now I think I'm the only one who hasn't had a "serious" serious relationship...which, although I've been in relationships, they're few and far between...and end up being pointless wastes of time.

However, in what I'm told is a Friedrich Nietzsche sense, I feel that my sole purpose is to play the role of wife/mother and that's it...which is funny because that's a very old perspective on the female role, but that's how I feel.

But back to the baby thing!- Yes! Adopt - its a great thing to consider...

#16 Augustine

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Posted 05 November 2007 - 12:19 AM

QUOTE(dorthyinwonder @ Nov 5 2007, 02:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Personally, I want at least 4 children, but that's assuming whoever I end up with doesn't mind it. I won't settle for less than 3, though.

Not to get too far off topic, but have you considered the possibility of becoming a foster parent?  I realize that it's not a permanent situation (although sometimes it can lead to adoption), but even providing a loving home for foster children temporarily would really make a positive difference in their lives and it would probably be emotionally rewarding for you since you seem very dedicated to the idea of caring for children in need.

#17 KlaineyGStudy

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Posted 14 February 2019 - 04:09 AM

I can understand the need to want biological children, we do our fair share of IVF where I work but unfortunately, many couples still have problems conceiving. As suggested here there are many other avenues to look into like adoption and fostering children that are looking for loving parents and safe homes.
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#18 LouczarGStudy

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Posted 14 February 2019 - 11:01 AM

I have a couple of coworkers that did the IVF (several times).  Both of them ended up with triplets on their last attempt.

My oldest daughter and her fiance (they had their first baby 9 months ago) went to the nearest children's home to help out for Christmas.  They made blankets for all the kids...including the teenagers.  Her Fiance dressed up as santa and gave them all to the kids.

My daughter is my "save all the animals" child.  She had become very adamant that they were going to adopt kids.  She talked to me about it and all i could tell her was that raising kids is very hard and if she wanted to do this, she should try to limit her options to those who were not drug babies.  She initially told me it did not matter.  The children's home got some more kids in and she got to see first hand how bad of an impact it had on those kids.  It was very sad and had her in tears.  Her and her fiance talked and they realized that it would be too difficult to adopt a child with that background.  They are still considering adopting which I think is great!!!
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#19 moiraesfate

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Posted 17 February 2019 - 01:58 PM

Think about it this way... your child may already be here. There are over 7 billion people on this earth and growing. Many of them desperately need homes. If you can't give birth, then consider giving another deserving child parents to love.

#20 KlaineyGStudy

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Posted 17 February 2019 - 08:17 PM

View Postmoiraesfate, on 17 February 2019 - 01:58 PM, said:

Think about it this way... your child may already be here. There are over 7 billion people on this earth and growing. Many of them desperately need homes. If you can't give birth, then consider giving another deserving child parents to love.
moiraesfate have you written that somewhere else here? Otherwise, I think I just had a deja vu moment :fright:I could have sworn I have read those exact words before today!
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