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#21 blueline

 

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Posted 02 January 2013 - 06:25 PM

Won't the ladder float because it's made of rope?
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#22 Paranormal_RN

 

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Posted 03 January 2013 - 04:17 AM

Close enough:  The answer is:  Nine rungs will be above the water.  As the tide rises, so too will the ship AND the ladder.
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#23 blueline

 

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Posted 03 January 2013 - 11:43 PM

An electric locomotive travels through a tunnel at 35mph, against a 35mph headwind, which direction is the smoke travelling in?
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#24 Paranormal_RN

 

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Posted 04 January 2013 - 08:48 AM

It's electronic, so there wouldn't be any smoke. :yes:

Which on of the following words does NOT belong and WHY?  Father, Aunt, Sister, Cousin, Mother, Uncle.
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#25 blueline

 

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Posted 04 January 2013 - 09:28 PM

I give up :-(
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#26 Paranormal_RN

 

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Posted 05 January 2013 - 09:07 AM

Cousin does NOT belong since all the others refer to a specific sex. :yes:

How many grooves are there on each side of a standard 33 1/3 record album that has six songs on each side?

How many grooves are there on each side of a standard 33 1/3 record album that has six songs on each side?

Edited by Paranormal_RN, 05 January 2013 - 09:06 AM.

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#27 blueline

 

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Posted 05 January 2013 - 06:29 PM

Talking to gen why amigo, unsure as to what these record things you talk of :-P
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#28 MrsFrootloops

 

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:04 PM

There are two muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin screams "AHH!!! It's hot in here!!" The other muffin screams "AHH!! A talking muffin!!"
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#29 Paranormal_RN

 

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 03:41 PM

You know, the vinyl disc's used before tapes and then CD's!  

The answer is one groove on each side.  When you put the needle on the album it follows one grrove from the beginning to the end.  If there was more than one groove, the needle would stop at the end of each groove.
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#30 blueline

 

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 04:05 AM

What sits in the oven and sings while it's baking?
Elton Scone

What sits in your vegetable garden and sings while it grows?
Elvis Parsley

A Shetland pony walks into a bar, the barmaid says 'why the long face'? The horse replies, but it's too quiet for the barmaid to hear. She tells it to speak up, and the pony replies 'you'll have to excuse my voice, I'm a little hoarse'.
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#31 BlueRose3

 

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 10:02 AM

Opps the riddle was already answered.  LOL.

Edited by BlueRose3, 09 January 2013 - 10:07 AM.


#32 Alonewitheverybody

 

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Posted 23 March 2013 - 07:15 AM

revival!

what did Geronimo shout when he jumped out of a plane?......"Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
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#33 Sinohmi

 

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Posted 23 March 2013 - 10:27 AM

This is straight from my Laffy Taffy collection.


How does a tree get on the internet?


It logs on! :)

#34 Alonewitheverybody

 

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Posted 23 March 2013 - 11:25 AM

How do you get pikachu on a bus?...........Pokemon!
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#35 KlaineyGStudy

 

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Posted 24 March 2013 - 02:44 AM

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father
was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well,
I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did
you know babies are my speciality?"
Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and
have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we
start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living
room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry
and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to
be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed
with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my G~d!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
her mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get
the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep
to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on
your, um... equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's
much too big to be held in the hand very long!!!"
Mrs. Smith fainted!!

Edited by klainey, 24 March 2013 - 02:46 AM.

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#36 crystal

 

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Posted 28 March 2013 - 05:47 PM

Klainey wins the thread.  That's hilarious!
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#37 MacCionoadha BeanSidhe

 

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Posted 05 August 2017 - 11:08 PM

We need to revive this thread.

Once upon a time, there were three people, their names were Manners, Trouble and Shut up. One day they were playing hide and seek. Manners got a tummy ache so he went to use the toilet. Trouble was hiding. Shut up was finding Trouble when he met a policeman.

The policeman asked, "What is your name?"

Shut up replied, "Shut up!"

The policeman replied, "Are you looking for trouble?"

Shut up answered, "Yes!"

The policeman fumed, "Where are your manners?"

Shut up's response, "In the toilet?"

Edited by MacCionoadha BeanSidhe, 05 August 2017 - 11:10 PM.

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#38 Jim@GhostStudy

 

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Posted 05 August 2017 - 11:28 PM

That's fun... it reminds me of "Who's on first" with Abbott and Costello.  :)

Here's the link: Who's on first   

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#39 MacCionoadha BeanSidhe

 

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Posted 06 August 2017 - 12:46 PM

Oh, I love that routine. Here's the transctipt:

Quote

"Who's On First?" is descended from turn-of-the-century burlesque sketches like "The Baker Scene" (the shop is located on Watt Street) and "Who Dyed" (the owner is named Who). By the early 1930s, a "Baseball Routine" had become a standard bit for burlesque comics across the country. After Abbott and Costello teamed up, they adopted the routine and kept adding to it until it became  the team's signature skit. (They even copyrighted it.) Below is a transcript of what is considered  their finest rendition of the routine, from their 1945 film The Naughty Nineties. In 1956, "Who's On First?" was inducted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. In 1999 Time magazine voted it the Best Comedy Sketch of the 20th Century. An early radio recording was placed in the Library of Congress' National Recording Archives in 2003.

"Who's on First"

(Lou Costello is considering becoming a ballplayer. Bud Abbott wants to make sure he knows what he's getting into.)



Abbott: Strange as it may seem, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names.

Costello: Funny names?

Abbott: Nicknames, nicknames. Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third--

Costello: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.

Abbott: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third--

Costello: You know the fellows' names?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well, then who's playing first?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the fellow's name on first base.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The fellow playin' first base.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy on first base.

Abbott: Who is on first.

Costello: Well, what are you askin' me for?

Abbott: I'm not asking you--I'm telling you. Who is on first.

Costello: I'm asking you--who's on first?

Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar of it. And why not, the man's entitled to it.

Costello: Who is?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: So who gets it?

Abbott: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Costello: Who's wife?

Abbott: Yes. After all, the man earns it.

Costello: Who does?

Abbott: Absolutely.

Costello: Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base?

Abbott: Oh, no, no. What is on second base.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Costello: St. Louis has a good outfield?

Abbott: Oh, absolutely.

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.

Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field?

Abbott: Who's playing first.

Costello: Stay out of the infield! The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because.

Abbott: Oh, he's center field.

Costello: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on this team?

Abbott: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?

Costello: Tell me the pitcher's name.

Abbott: Tomorrow.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Costello: Now, when the guy at bat bunts the ball--me being a good catcher-- I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now, that's he first thing you've said right.

Costello: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

Abbott: Don't get excited. Take it easy.

Costello: I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to what. What throws it to I don't know. I don't know throws it back to tomorrow--a triple play.

Abbott: Yeah, it could be.

Costello: Another guy gets up and it's a long ball to center.

Abbott: Because.

Costello: Why? I don't know. And I don't care.

Abbott: What was that?

Costello: I said, I DON'T CARE!

Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop!

Edited by MacCionoadha BeanSidhe, 06 August 2017 - 12:53 PM.

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#40 MacCionoadha BeanSidhe

 

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Posted 09 August 2017 - 10:55 PM

Here is some spooky fun.


Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
The other monster replied, “Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”


A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.


Once, there were two guys sitting in a living room. One man says to the other, “I would rather live with a vampire than my wife!”
The other man says, “Why?”
He says, “Because she’s always trying to bite my head off!”


A ghost had been staying in a bed and breakfast hotel, and when he came down for dinner he asked the waitress, "Please can I have two eggs, one tough and one rubbery, really tough bacon and burned fried bread?"
The waitress said, "Sir, we really can't serve that kind of horrid food here."
The ghost replied, "Well, you did yesterday."


Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap -tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"


Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating:
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have a kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richard's mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or ..." and you can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to choose a costume carefully, that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives/ex-husbands live.


Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders. "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"
The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The second vampire said, "I'll have a pint of blood."
The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I'll have a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light".


A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"


The young ghost went trick or treating.
A nighbor asked her, "Who are your parents?"
"Deady and Mummy," she answered.

Edited by MacCionoadha BeanSidhe, 09 August 2017 - 10:57 PM.

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