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#1 BlueRose3

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Posted 23 May 2010 - 07:13 PM

If a five foot tall fortune teller escaped from jail, would he be a small medium at large ?

HaHaHa!!!! Sorry, I read this joke today and thought it was pretty funny. I found it when I was researching what dry humor really meant.

#2 the_gray_jester

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Posted 24 May 2010 - 08:28 AM

nice,  i hadent heard that one smile.gif

***I am not a believer in seances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear. I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest. I was arrested for striking a happy medium
***

Edited by the_gray_jester, 24 May 2010 - 08:29 AM.

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#3 BlueRose3

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Posted 25 May 2010 - 07:06 AM

That's a good one too Jester.   biggrin.gif

#4 lorddraven2000

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Posted 26 May 2010 - 07:57 AM

I am so stealing that joke. I laughed for like 10 minutes.

#5 the_gray_jester

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Posted 04 June 2010 - 06:23 AM

one more.

**Jennifer visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked: "Will I be acquitted?"**

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#6 PumpkinWraith

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Posted 04 June 2010 - 06:59 AM

Two men were sitting in a narrowboat in the middle of a huge lake enjoying a relaxing time fishing.  It started to get dusk and the temperature dropped.  They didn't expect the weather to get so cold so they decided to row back and get some firewood.  

They had collected enough to last a couple of hours and they rowed back out onto the lake and made a little fire in the middle of the boat.  They then carried on fishing.  

About 20 minutes passed and the little wooden boat caught fire.  They didn't have time to row back to land so the two men tried to put the fire out with no luck.  They gave up and tried to swim back to shore but the cold water got the better of them and they both drowned.

The moral of this story is, you can't have your kayak and heat it!

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The Aliens said I could take a friend next time. Apply below ......but no mad people!

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#7 lorddraven2000

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Posted 08 June 2010 - 03:09 PM

That was great. lol. Once again I am stealing this one

#8 BlueRose3

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Posted 09 June 2010 - 06:53 AM

Hahaha! These are great!

#9 the_gray_jester

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Posted 09 June 2010 - 04:17 PM

veering away from the psychic jokes, i have a funny one,

**Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”**
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#10 shonalynn

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Posted 15 June 2010 - 06:03 AM

HAHAHA I liked that one...I'm morbid...
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#11 Sly-Spectre

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Posted 15 June 2010 - 09:01 AM

Jester, that hunter one is classic...
"Something weird is going on Jess." Simon whispered as they waited to be served. "I overheard Sara and Hector say something about 'getting back at you' in the library this morning."
Jessie thought for a moment, his face expressionless as usual.
"That's just crazy." he said. "I didn't think you even knew where the library was."

-Excerpt from my short story "Stabbed in the Front."

#12 Ms. Tify

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Posted 18 June 2010 - 03:57 AM

Those really made me laugh out loud!  I am copying and pasting all of these into an email.  Hilarious, esp. the hunter one.  

I am still giggling.  Hee Hee!!
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#13 Sefer

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Posted 18 June 2010 - 10:40 AM

I heard this one from a hispanic friend of mine

Little Pepito was hanging out with his friends Jose and Luis outside of his house.   Jose turns to Little Pepito and says "hey paragraph, go get me something to drink"   Little Pepito gets up and goes into his house, and Luis turns to Jose and says "Hey, why'd you call Pepito a paragraph"   and Jose responds "Don't you know?  He's too short to be an ese!"


I'm sorry.. I love the corniest jokes..  they make me smile
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#14 the_gray_jester

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Posted 18 June 2010 - 11:00 AM

Billy Bob saw his friend Bubba walking up the road, carrying a bag over his shoulder.
“Bubba, what you got in thet bag?”, he asked.
Bubba said, “I gots me some chickens in this here bag!”
Billy Bob said, “Bubba, if I guess how many chickens you got in thet there bag, can I have half of them?”
Bubba says, “Billy Bob, if you guess how many chickens I got in this here bag, you can have them both!”
Billy Bob thinks for a minute and says, “Seven!”
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#15 BlueRose3

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Posted 19 June 2010 - 06:39 AM

happy0194.gif  That's a great one Jester! It had me laughing my head off. LOL....

#16 PumpkinWraith

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Posted 19 June 2010 - 05:42 PM

QUOTE(the_gray_jester @ Jun 10 2010, 12:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
veering away from the psychic jokes, i have a funny one,

**Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”**


happy0194.gif

Ok Jester....First it was the clowns, now you owe me a bottle of South African (First Cape) Chardonnay..........   *Not very Rock and Roll I know, but I don't get much chance biggrin.gif *.......Cos I SPAT MOST OF IT ALL OVER THE SOFA!!

THANKYOU!! verymad.gif

Edited by PumpkinWraith-UK, 19 June 2010 - 05:45 PM.

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The Aliens said I could take a friend next time. Apply below ......but no mad people!

I <3 One Direction. Harry 4Ever!


#17 Stormy8

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Posted 03 November 2010 - 05:45 PM

That was good! :)

#18 mainemom207

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Posted 03 November 2010 - 06:43 PM

oh my these are all good.. reminds me of some people we know here in Maine lol :)

Thanks all for sharing though :)
Interested in spirits and the history of places..
Peace and Blessings, Lynne'

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