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Changing My Name - Need Someone To Talk To About It


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#1 esquisse

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Posted 30 August 2018 - 06:09 AM

Hi all,
I may have an unusual question/need for help. Since I was 17, when my father died, I have been thinkin about changing my surname, so I wouldn't have his. He was an egoistic, violent genius, made our lives hell. all those years both me and my mom have nightmares about my father, feelings like he is still here...  Now I'm 34 and mother is 70, she decided that she definitely doesn't want to die with his name and wants to take back her maiden name. Since her parents were absolutely lovely people, I loved them and my few happy memories from childhood are  always connected with them, I decided to take the name too. But I still hesitate, is it worth it? I need someone else's opinion... I don't have anyone to talk to about this, am almost sure I'll never get married, so I'll be stuck with my surname for eternity, probably.
I'm diagnosed with depression/anxiety, so aside from the byrocratic process of changing my name, I'm scared of curious questions about the change, announcing it at work...
What do you guys think about this? Can the change, in your opinion, help me disconnect from my past a bit? Is it worth it?
I know I'm the one to make this decision, but I could really use someone else's counsel.

#2 KlaineyGStudy

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Posted 30 August 2018 - 06:37 AM

I think anything that makes you feel good about yourself is worth the effort.

I am sorry; sometimes I think people don't deserve to raise their children! But, you were lucky to have your mother and her parents.

People change their names for whatever reasons and it isn't that strange or hard to do here in Australia.  The only thing I can suggest if you do change your surname is to rehearse what you want to tell people so you feel comfortable if anyone asks.  I think a reasonable response "My father wasn't a nice person and I no longer want his surname", is quite acceptable!
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#3 esquisse

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Posted 30 August 2018 - 06:41 AM

Thank you, you wrote it really nice! Here in Czech Republic it is not so usual to change names, and I'm terribly scared of any change or any decision, be it something big like this or simply choosing the shirt color.

#4 MichelleGStudy

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Posted 30 August 2018 - 09:52 PM

Welcome!  I agree with my friend Klainey - do it if you want to!!  A step such as this might just give you the 'fresh start' you need.  It's a powerful statement that says 'I am taking control of my life and I don't apologize for it!!' and for some reason I feel it will open a whole new world for you - one where you will enjoy the boldness of making your own decisions and not being concerned with what others think ;)
Again welcome!!

#5 LouczarGStudy

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Posted 31 August 2018 - 03:50 AM

I agree with Michelle.  You are in control of your own life and it is yours!!!  Enjoy it and be happy.  If the name changing brings happiness, then by all means do it.  Maybe go with your mothers maiden name?
Just because you have one....doesn't mean you have to act like one - Louczar
Life is short, enjoy it!

#6 esquisse

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Posted 31 August 2018 - 03:57 AM

Michelle, thank you so much! I think I needed to hear words like these, that it is the right step to finally sever the cord with my past. It empowered my decision a bit again, as I wrote before, I'm scared of any change, but more and more I feel this is the right thing to do. Thank you again! :)

View PostLouczarGStudy, on 31 August 2018 - 03:50 AM, said:

I agree with Michelle.  You are in control of your own life and it is yours!!!  Enjoy it and be happy.  If the name changing brings happiness, then by all means do it.  Maybe go with your mothers maiden name?
Thank you too! I've decided to go with my mom's maiden name, I think that suits me better than my father's name, more so that the name belonged to one of our presidents, too, who I think was very courageous and humane man. You know, I feel so relieved to hear all those encouraging words... It helps me so much!

#7 ParanormalEmpath

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Posted 31 August 2018 - 05:28 PM

Good luck in your journey... as the old song goes... it's a hard knock life... your experiences both good and bad define who you are or can be... we can't choose our biological parents... but we can either emulate them or choose the exact opposite path... build on the best and cast off the rest... carrying the burdens of the past is a personal choice... do what makes you happy whatever the name is that you decide on... beauty, love and light surrounds us... we are more than a name... we are in a constant state of becoming... I'm hoping at the end my spiritual name will be Cherish or Appreciation... but am still working on it   :)