[Jos]

Hi, this is my second post, my first post was about the old woman in the rocking chair.

Someone posted me back about it giving me other explanations about what I could have seen or heared, not a ghostly explanation, which I apreciate. But I feel a need to explain everything I haver experienced so that people can give me more advice and know that the woman in the rocking chair was not a one off. And I know that everything else I mention can be explained away logicly too, Im not against it, I dont know either and I suspect I never will.

My family all have horrible reputations, the men really took advantage of the era when a woman deserved a good beating for disobeying the men, if family experiences might make me more sensetive it might make sence. Some of the men in my family I would defienently call evil, but thats not really for me to judge.

And then theres the fact that when I was little I got molested, I dont want sympathy. But after that I didnt hang out with any real people. I had some imagenary friends I wouldnt give up for years and some of them I knew were fake and then there were the ones that I felt like they were watching me, gently shaking their heads and saying motherly things with out using their voices. Like a couple of mothers at a park watching their children play together. I didnt want to talk to the living and I couldnt explain why back then, I was hoping against hope for someone to be my friend that no one else could see. That might have made me more sensitive, children are supposed to be and I was a kid back then.

My experiences that stand out are mainly with small animals. I had my first pet marmolade for seven or eight years before he died and when I was sitting in my room alone I woulkd stare out into the hallway where my cat used to sneak inside and run up and down. I would start daydreaming and then be shocked because my cat would be just in the corner of my eye, I could see him just enough to know that it was him and he would pause just like he used to when he knew that he had been caught inside and he was in trouble. He faded away with out moving. So after many failed attempts to see him again I learned that I couldnt just keep a sharp eye out for him, I had to be in a state of mind where my thoughts were just drifting along aimlessly like the daydreamer I was back then. The more alert I was the less I saw of him. Makes sence because old marmolade and me spent a lot of lazy days together just doing nothing but keeping each other company. Jusr day dreaming and giving him a good pat. It was hard to be in a state of mind where I recognised my cat but I knew that it wasnt my imagination, it was about controlling my feelings of anticipation and wild hopes and keeping my feelings warm, lazy and content, how I felt when we spent time toghether. Then I would be able to see him run up and down the hallway again, slightly out of focus. Once or twice he would stop and look at me and once he came in to my room. But I couldnt interact with him because the minute I let my excitment rise and my mind focus and tried to reach out to him he would vanish. I had to be in that particular state of mind to be able to see marmolade. He was burried in our back yard under a tree.

Then there was the time that we got a new kitten named Jed. I feel I should explain his personality but I want to keep you reading and I guesse his personality wouldnt change what happend, anyway he sure did have a mind of his own. He was mostly an inside cat although he did play outside. Dad was going to the shops and mum and dad told me to put Jed outside. Normally I would have and thought nothing of it. But I felt a sence of dread. I was horrified and I wouldnt put him outside. I even cried. But I couldnt explain why so they made me do it. Dad accidently ran Jed over on the way back inside and killed him. I didnt know he would die but I somehow felt that I would never see him again when I put him outside. And I could have prevented it, but for some unknown reason I felt as though I couldnt. It felt like trying to prevent it was like stealing. You know you can take it, even get away with it but you cant do it. Its against the rules and following those rules has kept you safe so far. Thats how it felt. I never saw Jed again unlike Marmolade.

Then my friend Angie died. She was at least 45 and she had cancer. It took me years to cry over her. But oneday I broke down and repeatedly apologised to her that I didnt see her as much as I should have and I told her I missed her. I told her how my life was going too. Like Marmolade, I could see her faintly if I maintained a warm feeling associated with her alone and I felt her with me, listening patiently and looking me over to see how grown up I had become. When I shut my eyes she was all around me, in no form, circling me to see how much I had changed.

And there were times in my life when I strived so hard to see the paranormal, even the bad that I felt a sence of dread as though a bad thing was coming for me, happy that I was calling it. I felt like it was not close to me but traveling to me sometimes, and I was so scared that I pushed the thought of it completly out of my head in hopes to stop it from "tracking" me if you would call it that. I think it knew where I was and could have got there faster but it was some kind of game or a set of rules that it followed.

And sometimes I could see things if I adjusted my frame of mind and strictly controlled my feeling, things that looked and felt horrible but felt as though they were vtrapped in a horrible place or event that they couldnt escape from. Sometimes they seemed like me, like they knew I was there but couldnt communicate because if they became sharp minded and lost the frame of mind they needed to see me they would vanish. So they would walk up the road, vanish and then be walking up the road in some cases, this was all at the house where the old lady in the rocking chair woke me up.

But since I have moved away from my family and got engaged to be married and am the happiest i have ever been I cant see the things I used to anymore. I think it was a decision I made with out realising it that I was ready to face the real world and do my best in it rather then only connecting with things no one could see but me or only connecting with animals.

Please tell me your thoughts, good or bad, I dont care. Skeptic or believer, Im not even sure what I am regarding my self. Just have your say about it

[BlueAngel]

Ji Jos, WOW you sure had alot going on in your life, and sorry to hear some of it. It does sound to me like you could be a sensitive, because you see those that has passed, and thats a great gift, IF you are okay with it. There are also blocking exercizes so maybe now due to growing up, and refocusing on other things like your fiance and marriage the sensitive side is on the back burner. Its hard to say as a child what you saw was real or imaginary, but as an adult, thats different. I have lost animal pets too and every now and then I can feel my cat on the bottom of my bed, walking around softly looking for a place to get comfortable. I believe that animals have souls too, and hang around us once they pass, and I consider that sort of residual. Good luck in your marriage, and let us know if you see anything else..